The February Ensign has a great article this month about
adoption. I was so embarrassed today when someone mentioned it in church. I hadn't even opened my Ensign yet. The LDS church did a wonderful job of putting it together and they made sure to tell about the miracle of adoption from the different parties involved.
Click HERE to read the full article.
It starts with the story of a
wonderful birth mom who became pregnant at age 16. Her journey toward her choice to place her child was
amazing, but as always the case it is also
heartbreaking. Here is a little part of her story.
"To say that I cried would be to put it mildly. My heart was full and broken at the same time. How could I feel such peace in a decision that brought so much pain? I later realized that I had brought much heartache and pain into my life and the lives of those intertwined with mine because I had let selfish desires override my long-term goals. But here, I had been given an opportunity to put aside what I wanted most—to keep this child—and to give her something better."
"Giving birth to a beautiful little girl was miraculous. I loved holding her and rocking her. She was so beautiful, and I cried many times her first night on earth. I knew that the next day would bring heartache when it was time to say good-bye.
What made that pain bearable was knowing that placing her for adoption was right. It was the hardest—but most right—thing I have ever done. I signed the papers through sheets of tears and then leaned on family and friends for support. My tears weren’t the only ones shed that day or in the days to come."
They then have a
birth father tell his story. You don't hear as much about them, but they are just as incredible as the birth mothers. What an
incredible man to realize that this responsibility doesn't always mean having to marry the girl simply out of obligation. It is better for a child to be raised in a family with both a mom and dad that love each other as much as they love their children. In some cases, it is best for the parents to marry.
That is their decision to make. But if they realize that they would only be making things worse and instead choose to place their child in a family that it can become a part of eternally, that is
true unconditional love. Here is the part of his story that just had me in tears.
"We felt strongly that our child was to go to these parents, a decision we felt confirmed in prayer and again later when Andrea and I met the family.
The day Jenna was born was more incredible and miraculous than we could ever have imagined. We kept her with us the first few days, and when the day came to take Jenna to her new family, we felt we couldn’t do it. Three hours after we were supposed to have been at the LDS Family Services office, we still hadn’t left my parents’ house. I asked my father to give each of us a priesthood blessing. Among the things he blessed us with was the ability to do the right thing.
We finally left for LDS Family Services. Again, we felt a strong Spirit confirming that this was the right thing, yet when Andrea and I stepped out of the office to return home, I felt the saddest I have ever felt. Neither of us said a word as we drove away. We just cried. That was the most difficult day of my life.
The next week—and the next month—were also hard. But Andrea and I kept moving forward as much as we could. Attending group sessions was helpful because parents who had been through what we were going through were there to talk about their experience, to encourage us, and to remind us not to give up hope in the future—for Jenna or for ourselves."
There is more people that are affected by adoption;
the grandparents of the child. I can imagine that as a parent this would be heart wrenching. As parents we want to
fix everything for our kids, but that's not always possible, especially when they become parents themselves.
"The day our grandson was born was a bittersweet one. What a beautiful baby! It would have been easy to change our minds—after all, children are raised by single mothers and grandparents all of the time. Surely we could do it too. But we knew the Lord’s will, and we knew that it was in this child’s best interest for the adoption to proceed. After spending two days with our daughter and grandson in the hospital, my wife and I watched with tears streaming down our faces as Katie handed her son to the caseworker. She exclaimed, “I can’t believe I just did that!” and ran back to her hospital room to cry. My wife later commented that she had never seen greater love than she did as she watched Katie that day. Adoption, she said, truly is about love."The last story they tell, is to me, the
most important one; the
adopted child.
"One of my earliest memories is looking up at my mother after she had tucked me in and asking her if she would tell me a different bedtime story. After all, she had been telling me the same story every night for as long I could remember.
It always started with these words: “Once upon a time, there was a mommy and daddy who wanted very much to have a baby of their own.” It wasn’t a fable or a fairy tale but the story of our family and how I came to be a part of it. Because I had heard the story repeated so often, adoption was never a mysterious or uncomfortable topic. I learned from the beginning that I was meant to be with my family—I had just come a different way."
Now, I must take a moment here to get on
my soap box. The story from the adopted child goes on to say that his parents were blessed with another miracle and they were able to produce children of their own after adopting her. I may have become mad at this point and put (threw) the article down. That really only happens to about
3% of infertile couples. I get so tired of hearing so-and-so adopted and then they had children of their own. First off, just having a child through pregnancy does not make them more your own
verses adopting them. But the important part to remember is that
adopting does not result in pregnancy. Yes, for those
FEW that is happens to that is wonderful, but it really doesn't happen as often as the world thinks. That is why I never want to be pregnant.
I don't want to be THAT person that is always mentioned to other infertile couples struggling to have children. Adoption is not a choice that is reached easily for most couples, and it usually isn't a
QUICK FIX to parenthood. Adoption is the
most spiritual thing a person can ever do with their life and should not be taken lightly. We know that we were chosen before coming to earth to adopt and only the most special couples get such a wonderful privilege.
With all that said, I should probably climb back down off the soap box, but if anyone ever suggests that our adopting will help us get pregnant, I may have to punch you. Consider yourself warned.
Oh, and please go read this article,
The Gift of Adoption.
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3 comments:
It's bad enough that we have to deal with the pain of being childless but that we have to deal with those dumb comments! I know people mean well usually but they still hurt! People always call us newlyweds because we don't have kids and we've been married longer then some of the people saying that to us! I feel like some people think just because I don't have kids it means I don't know anything about life or trials! Anyway sorry for going on I just know what you mean when it comes to those comments and I am sorry someone said that to you! I think from this trial I have definitely learned that when my friends have trials I don't understand to just validate their pain, just be a friend.
I can't believe someone said that! So frustrating. I can't stand how people act like we have no clue what life is really like with children. When in all reality, we are probably way more prepared to have kids than they ever were. Have you read the R House blog recently? She put an awesome article up a few days ago called Infertility Etiquette. I think you would appreciate it very much.
What ticks me off a bit about the money is don't they even think about the fact that every dime we give them takes away from what we give the child?
People act like if you are childless you must me rolling in money. We still have to pay our mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, car payments, ect. Seriously, adding a baby would at the most increase our spending by $100 a month and that is it. People are idiots and speak with out thinking. Someone said something like that to me and I just said something like, "Yeah, it sure is fun to be able to have sex 3 times a day when ever we want, bet you miss that don't you?" Just remember that with a loan you will get a certain amount of that back on your taxes and will be able to pay it off that way.
I have lurked for awhile and enjoyed reading your journey and getting to know you through reading. As a fellow woman who has dealt with infertility I understand the desire to have a baby is great and something that only those who have been there can understand. The insensitive of some people is amazing! And the cost is horrendous. I'm curious if you have considered adopting a waiting child or a non-infant? These children are waiting for their forever family to and come with a smaller price tag. Just curious.
Hi! We don't know each other, I just happened to come across your sweet blog. I'm SO incredibly sorry that someone so insensitive said that to you. I hope and pray you find your little one soon. We found ours 4 years ago. I'm sorry for your pain, I've been there and know how awful it can be. In the mean time, I hope you find lots of people who will help 'protect' your heart rather than hurt it. I really do ache for you.
~Nikki