My goal, this year, is to be a voice for infertility. I see a gap of misunderstanding between infertiles and fertiles and I would like to see it bridged.
When we were fighting our infertility, we kept it to ourselves. No one knew that there were days I could hardly get out of bed, the depression was so intense. My entire being focused on becoming pregnant. Every breathe I breathed I hoped and prayed. Each month, when I realized I wasn't, I would lie on the floor and weep.
But each day, when I left my house, I would paste a fake smile on my face and hide my pain from the world. And yet, I expected them to show compassion. As my husband would say, I was expecting them to read my mind. I was expecting them to see my pain and comfort me, even though I did my best to have my actions speak differently.
At the lowest of my depression, I was borderline suicidal. I hadn't started to plan my death, but I had started to believe that life was not worth living. That is when I realized I need help. I needed to find another purpose to life.
I have learned, there is more to life than having babies and raising them. But I had to walk a long, dark path to get to where I am now. I hope that I can help others on their journey. And I hope I can help everyone have understanding on the other side.
I don't know how often I will blog, but I will try to do a short one now and then. I feel like it will be easier to do short posts vs try to speak all the thoughts I've had in one long post, so stay tuned.
1 day ago