Saturday, September 27, 2008

Infertility is...

Okay, since I just ranted so much I thought I better try to smooth things over. People seem to misunderstand me when I have a hard time. Here is a list that I find to be funny, but also true. I have added my own comments to the end of each one. I was going to add some of my own, but I was afraid I would get negative again.

Infertility Is...
* Buying and reading books on baby care, and hiding them when company comes. - I haven't done that one.
* Wanting like crazy to “just look” in the baby section of the department store, but feeling so out of place–“Infertile” is not really stamped on my forehead. - That is sooo me! I just want to look and pretend, but what the point!
* Wanting to look at my children someday, and see their father (my husband) in them. - Actually, that doesn't bother me. I don't think that is important and if people do, shame on them!
* Snapping at friends who ask innocent questions, and not meaning to. I wish I could explain, but... - Once again, that is sooo me! Sorry to all of you I have snapped at before.
* Making love and suddenly realizing that the two of you will never make a baby this way and crying. -Actually that was never a problem. I like that part of being married.
* Seeing the cutest maternity top in the store window, but having no reason to buy it. - That is a tought one, I love to buy clothes!
* Trying to rejoice with your friend on her second (or third) pregnancy. - Actually I haven't had to deal with a 2nd pregnancy yet. I hope I can handle it better than I have 1st pregnancies.
* Being enemies with your own body. - What is wrong with me!
* Doctors, hating them, worshiping them. - I hated my doctor!!!! I felt like he really didn't care about me. And when people see you in there they tell everyone you are expecting. I had that happen 3 times!
* Wondering if you will ever receive a Mother’s Day card. - I hate Mother's Day. I love you mom!
* Picking a name for your baby, only to grow tired of it. - Jordan, Caitlyn, Brittney, Jesse....
* Always going to other people’s houses for dinner because they would have to get a babysitter, and it is so much more convenient this way... - No comment, friends with children seem to ignore us.
* Falling apart. Getting hysterical. Am I losing my sanity? - Did you see the previous post?
* Knowing (better than most) how conception happens, yet having to put up with stupid advice, crude jokes. (Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do!) - I actually had one guy tell me to buy a swing...
* Gladly saying, “Yes!” to a Huhner’s test because that one doesn’t hurt. - My doctor never did any test except a simple thyroid test. Duh, if it looks okay, maybe look for something else!
* Redefining “Woman” (Yes, I am still one)!!!!!!!!
* Feeling empty and sad almost all the time. - Or at least until you find new hope. Like I said earlier, I usually do very well.
* Sharing experiences with other infertile couples and finding comfort in that. Laughing together, crying together. -LDSFS is the best thing that ever happend to us. We aren't going through this alone!
* Wondering where God is. - I did it right. I waited until I was married. Where is my reward?
* Having an extra bedroom for guests, and wishing it were a nursery. - We finally started putting a nursery together in hopes to babysit other kids of people we know who have been blessed with children. HINT HINT!
* Being afraid to take aspirin or do sit-ups. - I don't get this one. Must be because of my stupid doctor.
* Needing to grieve, but not really knowing how. - See previous post.
* And then finally...Coming to terms with your own infertility. Acceptance. Peace. - Ah, sweet peace. Why did you hide from me? I love the peace I now feel.
* Feeling like a whole person again. - I'll still be mom; I just have to wait longer than 9 months.
* Not thinking about your infertility first thing in the morning. - No more negative pregnancy tests!
* Actually finding joy mixed in with the pain of Christmas...What a miracle. - I still struggle with that one. We really didn't celebrate Christmas last year. We only got a tree because our homestudy was in December.
* Discovering life can be happy, and satisfying without children - I love the time I have with Josh. We do lots of things we couldn't do if we had children.
* (or) Discovering that adoption is a positive way of enlarging your “family.” - I know we are supposed to adopt; see previous post.
* I find that I am actually thankful for my own infertility. It has been a hard experience, but as I have struggled, I have grown. I have learned more about my Heavenly Father, and about being His child than I could have otherwise. - He really does love me!

Anonymous, Sierra Vista, AZ



crazy mom of six said...

I'm so glad you guys have decided to adopt. I hear that it is a great thing. I actually have a niece and nephew that are adopted. It's neat to see them and know that even though they are from different families, they are now a part of my family. My sister-in-law is also approved for adoption and is waiting just like you. I'll be sending some prayers your way(oh wait, I'll be sending them to your birth mother, where ever she may be). Good luck and best wishes.

Desi said...

Congratulations on being approved to adopt! That is a huge hurtle to overcome from what I can see. I really enjoyed your list of what infertility is. I totally get it!!!! (Sucks, I know.)

Just some of my two cents: I have seen that cute maternity top, and bought it just because I wanted to. I have dinner at other people's homes ALL THE TIME so they don't have to pay a baby sitter. (But, let work to clean up at my house right?) Dealing with 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and now 5th pregancies of friends. We've only been married 7 years! How are they fitting 5 pregnancies in there!!!

Thanks for the rant, I needed that. It seems like I don't post much about my infertility anymore because no one else understands who reads my blog. I saw that you were following my blog and checked out yours. I think I sense an infertility post on the way...


Infertility, you suck!

Some times life SUCKS! Normally I do really well with our infertility, but every now and then it sneaks up on me. Trying to get people to understand is the hardest part. They just have no clue. Yes we've been married 7 3/4 years.
No, we don't have children.
Yes, we want children.
No, we can't have any on our own.
I know these people are well meaning, but when I'm having a hard time I take it as being rude and insensitive. No offense to all of those you have been WEMBI (Well Meaning But Ignorant), but that is just the fact of it. We can't have children. Don't try to ignore the fact, or skirt around the issue because that is what it is.
I don't know which makes me more upset. Well okay there is a whole list of things:
"Keep trying. Your time will come." - Oh ya, what about the trying we've been doing for years now!
I really hate the people who try to hide their pregnancies from me. That may be the most hurtful thing. I don't understand their reasoning, but I'm sure it's something like "Don't tell Savannah, she'll get mad." No, I don't get mad. I get jealous and sad. And then hurt that people are trying to keep things from me.
I finally had a friend tell me about her pregnancy. After having several friends and relatives be pregnant, I finally had one treat it like it wasn't taboo around me. I had such a great time visiting with her about her pregnancy. Don't ask me for pregnancy advice - I've never been pregnant. But don't treat me like I don't exist when someone around me is pregnant. It hurts to be ignored.
And the biggest thing is that people don't understand that we are literally grieving the death of our children. Think about it. We had dreams of having our children and now those dream are dead and therefore we are mourning their deaths. And its a tough grieving process to go through. We don't actually have anything tangible to direct our grief towards. But is very real and very painful.
And sometimes I feel like people are completely trying ignore the fact that we are adopting. I'm not sure why they do that, but it bugs me to no end. Adoption is a beautiful thing; not a "Plan B." If people would take the time to learn more about it, they would see what a wonderful thing it is!
We've learned a lot through our adoption support group, LDSFS. During one of our classes we heard from a lady who really put it perfectly. I will always grieve over my infertility, but I can deal with it and manage it. I have it tucked it away in my heart. Then every once in awhile something will happen to trigger it and I will have to say "Hello my old infertility friend; it's been a while since I heard from you."
I know I'm coming off as angry, and I don't get that way often. I am actually excited to adopt. I think there is nothing more spiritual that we can go through as a family. I know that we were preordained to come to earth and have our family through adoption. I believe that my Father in Heaven told us that some children would be born into unfavorable circumstances and I wanted to help. I believe He told me that the only way for me to help would be to have my family through adoption and I know I was excited at the prospect of adopting.
I've had to tell people to not pray about us getting pregnant. Pray for our Birth mother. She is the one that needs the prayers. Pray that our family will come together someday.