Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I feel...HAPPY

I noticed sometime last week that I feel happy. I'm sure for some people that is hard to understand; how can a person not be happy? I had finally reached the point where I wasn't depressed anymore, but then I felt the crunch because we have been approved for almost a year and no one has looked at us. But then I just woke up one morning and I was...Happy. It's been a while since I felt happy for no particular reason.
It could be the Christmas season, but I don't think that's it. I was a little scared with the Christmas season coming up (I DID NOT enjoy Christmas last year or really the year before that), but then I decided to not get all hyped up about it. My Christmas shopping isn't as extravagant this year and Josh and I each picked out our own presents so no surprises there. We have no Christmas tree this year and I haven't even bothered to get out my winter decorations. I enjoy watching Josh play Santa Claus so I don't think I am a Grinch. It just seems easier to not stress over the holiday's. I have tried to be more giving this year and I have enjoyed that. I bought some clothes and donated them to the community for their angel tree and tomorrow I am going to buy some things for a family who lost their house to fire this week.
I have even tried to "test out" this happiness to make sure it was real. I have thought back to things in the past that used to upset me or bring me to tears and now I feel nothing when I look back. I finally feel like I have come to terms with everything and everyone and that I truly hold no hard feelings anymore. I am finally starting to truly enjoy being an aunt and I hope that I will soon have another niece or nephew.
I think I was finally tired of not being happy that I just decided to be happy. It has been so nice. I feel like a more pleasant person and I hope people think I am easier to be around now.



So Barren said...

I am glad you're doing well. I hope you guys will get your baby soon. It's all about timing. I know how you feel about Christmas. Good for you for doing so much service!
Meka from 2ofus4now

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