Tuesday, February 10, 2009

For now...we wait

I was feeling unsettled a few weeks ago. We were looking into another adoption agency, but we have decided to not pursue it for now. It is expensive. It's upsetting to me that anyone can get pregnant and give birth for so much less than we are having to spend. Half of those people can't afford it to begin with it and a lot of those are not fit enough to be parents. I just want to be a mom; it's so unfair.
I know it sounds horrible, but apparently we have put a price on our child. But the whole point of adoption is to give a child a better life than what they would possibly have otherwise. We could get a loan for this money, but I just feel that would decrease our comfort of living. I would hate to not be able to afford diapers and formula because we were busy paying on a loan. I just can't bring myself to do that.
I wouldn't be so upset, but something was said today that hurt. Someone said that we clearly still live in the Honeymoon stage of marriage because we don't have to face reality. I know they meant the reality of having to care for kids, but it still rubbed me wrong.
I'm sorry, we live in reality just as much as anyone else. We have to pay bills. We get up everyday even though we don't want to because we have to go to work.
We also face the reality of a quite house each night because we don't have children yet. I don't work because I am bored. I work because right now we need both of our incomes so we can try to adopt and so my husband can go to school. I shouldn't have to defend myself, but I have felt like I needed to ever since that was said.
We don't live in the honeymoon stage by choice. I enjoy the time we've had together. If I could go back in time I don't know that I would do a whole lot different because I truly treasure what we have been able to share.
Reality to me is that life goes on no matter what. Reality is facing a new day each morning and coming to terms with your circumstances whether they are by choice or because of something that is out of our control.
*Please don't comment about how you know our time will come or how we just need to be patient; I really don't want to hear it right now...



Meka said...

It's bad enough that we have to deal with the pain of being childless but that we have to deal with those dumb comments! I know people mean well usually but they still hurt! People always call us newlyweds because we don't have kids and we've been married longer then some of the people saying that to us! I feel like some people think just because I don't have kids it means I don't know anything about life or trials! Anyway sorry for going on I just know what you mean when it comes to those comments and I am sorry someone said that to you! I think from this trial I have definitely learned that when my friends have trials I don't understand to just validate their pain, just be a friend.

Gail said...

I can't believe someone said that! So frustrating. I can't stand how people act like we have no clue what life is really like with children. When in all reality, we are probably way more prepared to have kids than they ever were. Have you read the R House blog recently? She put an awesome article up a few days ago called Infertility Etiquette. I think you would appreciate it very much.

Elizabeth and Brian said...

What ticks me off a bit about the money is don't they even think about the fact that every dime we give them takes away from what we give the child?

People act like if you are childless you must me rolling in money. We still have to pay our mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, car payments, ect. Seriously, adding a baby would at the most increase our spending by $100 a month and that is it. People are idiots and speak with out thinking. Someone said something like that to me and I just said something like, "Yeah, it sure is fun to be able to have sex 3 times a day when ever we want, bet you miss that don't you?" Just remember that with a loan you will get a certain amount of that back on your taxes and will be able to pay it off that way.

Lalena said...

I have lurked for awhile and enjoyed reading your journey and getting to know you through reading. As a fellow woman who has dealt with infertility I understand the desire to have a baby is great and something that only those who have been there can understand. The insensitive of some people is amazing! And the cost is horrendous. I'm curious if you have considered adopting a waiting child or a non-infant? These children are waiting for their forever family to and come with a smaller price tag. Just curious.

FishinFamily said...

Hi! We don't know each other, I just happened to come across your sweet blog. I'm SO incredibly sorry that someone so insensitive said that to you. I hope and pray you find your little one soon. We found ours 4 years ago. I'm sorry for your pain, I've been there and know how awful it can be. In the mean time, I hope you find lots of people who will help 'protect' your heart rather than hurt it. I really do ache for you.

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