I was feeling unsettled a few weeks ago. We were looking into another adoption agency, but we have decided to not pursue it for now. It is expensive. It's upsetting to me that anyone can get pregnant and give birth for so much less than we are having to spend. Half of those people can't afford it to begin with it and a lot of those are not fit enough to be parents. I just want to be a mom; it's so unfair.
I know it sounds horrible, but apparently we have put a price on our child. But the whole point of adoption is to give a child a better life than what they would possibly have otherwise. We could get a loan for this money, but I just feel that would decrease our comfort of living. I would hate to not be able to afford diapers and formula because we were busy paying on a loan. I just can't bring myself to do that.
I wouldn't be so upset, but something was said today that hurt. Someone said that we clearly still live in the Honeymoon stage of marriage because we don't have to face reality. I know they meant the reality of having to care for kids, but it still rubbed me wrong.
I'm sorry, we live in reality just as much as anyone else. We have to pay bills. We get up everyday even though we don't want to because we have to go to work.
We also face the reality of a quite house each night because we don't have children yet. I don't work because I am bored. I work because right now we need both of our incomes so we can try to adopt and so my husband can go to school. I shouldn't have to defend myself, but I have felt like I needed to ever since that was said.
We don't live in the honeymoon stage by choice. I enjoy the time we've had together. If I could go back in time I don't know that I would do a whole lot different because I truly treasure what we have been able to share.
Reality to me is that life goes on no matter what. Reality is facing a new day each morning and coming to terms with your circumstances whether they are by choice or because of something that is out of our control.
*Please don't comment about how you know our time will come or how we just need to be patient; I really don't want to hear it right now...
17 hours ago