Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Big Reason

While trying to be true to myself, and not feel the need to hide who I am, I am going to give a short version of why we don't go to church anymore. I know it confuses people because we tried to adopt through LDSFS, and you have to be LDS to do so, but I don't consider myself LDS anymore.

I got married in the temple because it was the "right thing to do."
When we couldn't have kids, the LDS Church (which I'll call just "the church" for the rest of this post), encouraged us to adopt.
When we were selected, they encouraged us to treat it as near to being pregnant as we could. Celebrate the moments! Announce it to family and friends!

After the adoption, the church did nothing. Not that they should have done much, but they literally did nothing. I bawled in church the day after that baby was born. No one noticed.

Each member might feel differently, but the general belief seems to be: If you have a miscarriage, that baby will be yours to raise in the next life. The church had told us that our being unchosen was kind of like a miscarriage.

Except that baby is now sealed to another family.

We're a loop hole. And I simply can NOT live with that.

I'm not saying the LDS church is wrong. But I am saying, it is not for me.


  1. Yes yes yes!!! I love this post. My husband and I adopted through ldsfs but it was a horrible experience. Being part of this church as an infertile couple was horrible for us. We both are lifetime members but stopped going to church 2 years ago. We have never been happier. The church was not for us either. We are contemplating removing our names but are worried about our parents, so for now we are just labeled as "inactive." Always be true to yourself. We left because of doctrine, historical inaccuracies, and gender issues.

  2. Hello Savannah. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. It is lovely to "meet" you.

    I'm not sure what to say to help you with this post. I was raised in the church and found my own way in my 20's. I consider myself spiritual now and I find that so much more centering and helpful and healing. It just makes sense to me because it isn't surrounded by religious rules and conditions.

    I'm so sorry your adoption didn't come through. I feel your heartache and can relate to it. Noone can truly say how our souls connect to each other in this life or the next. But I do believe that the moment you thought that baby was to be yours, your souls connected and your love for that child was felt by him/her and will always be felt throughout his/her life - somewhere deep down. And that's a beautiful thing.