I actually had a different post started for today, but then I read Feeling Alone over on Mel's blog, Stiffup Queen. I started to post a comment there, but it was quite long, so I decided to just do a blog post instead.
Earlier this year, I met someone who was going through a similar experience to my own.
The first time I tried to offer advise, I felt like they brushed me off. But I understood. Infertility is hard to go through. You don't think anyone understands your pain.
Somehow that ignited something in me and I wanted to share more, not only with her, but with the world. For 10+ years, I have felt like no one understood me. But I had to place part of that blame on myself. I had never been brave enough to share my entire story. I had never been brave to bare my soul and tell ALL the ugly details.
I started by blogging a lot more frequently on this blog. Some of those posts were easy to write. Others, I really struggled with wanting to expose that much. And still some, remain in draft mode until I am ready to share them.
Each post, I put a link on my Facebook page and then in an infertility group I am part of. I always encourage everyone to share my link. I'm not looking for attention for myself. I'm trying to help fertile people understand what its like. And I'm trying to let other infertile people know they aren't alone.
I have been amazed at the people who have reached out to me. Some of them, I knew they were facing a struggle of their own. But others, I had no idea. Its hard to share a story that is so personal and heartbreaking. I remember the fear. I didn't want to speak up for myself, only to be told, "Oh, it'll happen, when its time."
I hate to admit it, but it hasn't made the impact on the fertile world I had hoped it would. (Actually, deep down I think I knew it never would, but I still hoped differently.) I still feel like most of them won't get it. But there have been a few that I have felt like I have reached. I believe, that because of my blog, they have had their eyes opened and now have a better understanding. They'll never completely get it, because it will never be their own reality. But I think it has helped them to be kinder to those they know that are infertile.
If you are feeling alone, please know that you are not. Even though each infertility struggle is different form the next, we all still share the same pain. The longing to feel your baby grow in your belly. The ache of wanting to hold YOUR baby in your arms. If you can't find your own voice to share your story, please let me be your voice.
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend. But then, instead o fleaving Him, in peace, to work alone; I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own. At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?" "My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go." --Author Unknown
May 2007 - Start the MASS amounts of paperwork with LDSFS
December 2007 - Home study
January 2008 - APPROVED!
January 2009 - Go online with Parent Profiles
February 2009- Contacted by our 1st scammer
March 2009 - Parent Profiles Contact - she is looking because her sister is pregnant. (never heard back)
April 2009 - Submitted our paperwork on a possible situation (never heard back)
May 2009 - Contacted by another scammer
May 19, 2009 - Our CW called to ask if he could show our profile to a birth mom. Of course we said yes. Please pray for us and for her. *Update - we've never heard back from her...
July 2009 - Took a jump off the cliff and inquired about a sibling group in a neighboring state. They told us they would get ahold of us in about 30 days. At the end of the month I noticed they aren't on the website anymore, so they must have found a family.
August 2009 - Said no to a situation - we knew it wasn't our baby.
September 2009 - I'm getting more proactive, I called a hospital in Wyoming and asked if I could send our profile. They seemed excited. I would love if our baby came from Wyoming! Our profile has never even had a hit from Wyoming.
October 20, 2009 - First email from C
November 29, 2009 - First phone call with C. We going to go meet her!
December 4th, 2009 - We met C and her family. They are amazing. We arrived home that night to find an email saying she choose us!!!!
March 2 2010 - We were unchosen. Our hearts are broken.
June 2010 - Now what? We're not sure.
May 2011 - Officially closed our adoption profile with LDSFS. Enjoying life as a family of two.
My passions include Jesus, 6 awesome nephews, baking, scrapbooking, makeup, cupcakes, kittens, and reading.
I'm a payroll specialist by day, a Younique Makeup Presenter by night, and a follower of Jesus 24/7.