Sunday, February 1, 2015

You're Not Alone

As I lay in bed, I keep thinking, "Money, Savannah. Really, that is the first thought you decide to share with the world about your thoughts on infertility. Money? Could you sound any more selfish?"

And I just can't sleep with myself. My purpose is to open up the world of infertility. The harsh pain of it. I thought about sharing another post I have started, but it doesn't feel ready yet. But I can't sleep knowing that money was going to be my topic this week.

Then I started thinking about a few things from this week. Earlier this week, a gal at the college told me she thought of me often, how I never became a mother. Its a pain that she and I share. She too lives a life of just two, as wife and husband. I don't know all of her story, but enough to say that they tried. With all they had they tried.

But you reach the point where you can't try any longer. Maybe your faith finally breaks. Maybe the money runs out. Maybe age is an issue. Maybe one partner is done watching the other suffer and they say no more. Or maybe it ends in divorce. Yes, infertility is that HARD on a marriage.

I remember being a part of an online support group once. A young woman came on and said she was thinking of leaving her husband because he couldn't give her the baby she desired. Coming from a similar situation, I couldn't bear that thought. I didn't marry Josh for his sperm. I didn't marry him so I could have his blonde babies. I married him because I loved him. Not his baby making potential. I loved HIM.

I degress. Today, I had another similar conversation. One that drove into me why I want to do this. Why I want to expose myself to the world in a raw manner like this.

When you are infertile you feel all alone. You feel like no one understands your pain. When we first learned we couldn't have a baby, I felt like no one would ever understand how much it killed me.

I had no idea that there were millions out there in a similar situation. Not only childless, but also, lost in despair. They too felt like they were the only ones.

I could go on and on with stories I have heard as I've journeyed through the land of infertility, but I will save those for another time. But I will keep this post short and sweet.

I want to be a voice for those who think they suffer alone. Please know you are not.

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