I have done a lot of soul searching and realized it is time to let things go and move on with my life. I have let infertility hold me prisoner too long. I have lost friends and family over it and I think if I continue like this I could let it ruin me completely.
I don't know what it will take to fix relationships that I sabotaged. I hope I haven't done too much damage.
I thought about deleting this blog, but I'm not going to. I still feel like I need a place to come where I don't need to fear being judged. But I probably won't blog on here much anymore. When infertility starts to get hard I am going to try to find and read positive articles. If I find anything great I will be sure to post it somewhere so my barren friends can benefit from it too.
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Having experienced infertility for a good 4.5 years before we adopted our little boy (who has filled my infertile aches and pains with maternal bliss), I can tell you, you never simply "get over it." And you shouldn't, because it teaches you to trust in God like you never had before, make your marriage stronger than ever before, fills you with more love and sympathy for others who grieve- and when you DO become a mother you will love that gift and never take it for granted. Don't forget it- just be patient with yourself, forgiving of others, and allow yourself to experience all of the yucky, painful emotions fully(that sometimes negatively affect relationships- but this is temporary so I hope those around you can be extra sensitive) and you will soon rise above them and become an (even more)
ReplyDeletemagnificent individual. So, I am both sorry and happy to tell you that you never "Get over it."
There are so many stages and ups and downs with infertility. There was a time that infertility defined me, in my mind that is all I was just a barren girl with nothing to offer. I felt like everyone thought that too. It's hard getting out of that! I pushed my friends and family away because I was in grieving, for years I was in grieving! Things started to change when I found the support group and also when I realized it wasn't my fault, that our bodies aren't perfect and God still had a plan for me. I'm sorry, I want the pain to end for you and everyone still waiting, I hope your baby comes soon! Put your trust in God and just shut out the negative comments.
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