Okay life, I'm ready to learn my lesson. Please help me figure this out.
I thought it was done. Finished. Never to happen again. That door was closed. I didn't realize it could open back up.
Why, on the eve of answering one prayer, do you throw a curve ball at me? At first, it felt like a cruel joke. "Ok, you can have this one little thing. But guess what, I have much more in store for you."
I can't keep running from these situations, hoping they will disappear.
Sometimes, I wish I lived far away from it all. The thick religious community I live in. The over abundance of pregnancy announcements. The never ending politics at work. The responsibility of balancing work, bills, needs and wants.
So basically, sometimes, I wish I lived in a cave.
Except, I like running water. And electricity. And every other modern day convenience. And even though I sometimes want to be left alone, I am still social enough to know I can't live away from it all.
I'm tired of getting beaten down and trying to pick myself back up. The never ending cycle of "what if?".
I'm ready to surrender and go with the flow. I just need you to show me how to do it.
Dear Savannah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience. I've been diagnosed as infertile a month ago, and I'm still struggling with the idea. To make matters worse, my sister is pregnant and so is my best friend. My husband doesn't want to have children, (and I didn't give it much of a thought until the diagnosis), so I don't see treatment or adoption in the future. But I have been dealing with the bitterness and jealousy you talk about. Thank you for sharing your experience, you have no idea how much better it made me feel. I totally relate to experience and feelings. Best wishes and lots of love! Carmen (from Brazil)