Tuesday, April 1, 2014


I think I am in the middle of a personal revelation and I just want to soak it all in and figure it out.

But I'm at work and just don't have the time to pause life right now. So here is my random thoughts that I need to build on later. 

I have never forgiven myself. 
 I've never forgiven my body for not working the way a women's body a should.
I've never forgiven myself, for never providing grandbabies. This is hard given the culture I was raised in.
I've never forgiven myself, for not being good enough. Which always amazes me, because I forgave her a long time ago. I always blame myself for the way it ended.
I've never forgive myself, for not trying harder.

Then, I look at my digital picture frame at work and I see:
Josh helping Valex catch his first fish.
Myself, riding with Daxsen his first time on a carousel.
Myself, with Preston his first time fishing.
Tyler, sitting with Josh like they are best friends.
Myself, with all of my nephews at the cornmaze. 

I have so many thoughts I want to expand on, but don't have the time right now. More to come later.  

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