Monday, August 15, 2011


Let me start by saying, I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know that God creates families in his way on his own timetable. And this vent does not mean we are looking to adopt again or even thinking that day might come when we will want to open our profile again. This post is just a poor vent and I hope once I get it off my chest I'll be able to let it go and move on and be happy.

I find it so unfair how fast some couples get chosen. Our profile was active for almost 2 years before me met C. After we were unchosen, our profile remained open for another year before we closed it. Three years and yet, only one contact. That burns me.

I'm happy for the family that are expecting again through adoption. I am. But I guess its like a pregnancy announcement, I have to hurt some before I can be happy. That's what infertility does to you. You have to mourn for yourself before you can rejoice for anyone else.

So I'll say congrats tomorrow, but just for today I'm going to cry my heart out about it.


  1. Savannah,

    I feel much the same way. We waited for two years; while our profile was considered by several birthmothers, it was never chosen.

    It makes you feel that you are not good enough; it makes you feel that your life is lacking something. Is our house not big enough? Are we not good looking enough? WHY?

    I love reading your blog...your crafts...your love for horses...your love for your my eyes, you are not lacking one bit.

    Perhaps we are just unique in such a way that doesn't appeal to the masses. But I suppose in the end, unique is a good way to be...just not the world views it that way.


  2. I would never post this on my own blog, but I get really irritated at how quickly some couples are chosen. Several times I've gotten e-mail from couples who are just barely thinking about adoption, and two months later they've been chosen. It kind of bothers me that they don't have to wait. I think of how many couples I know who have been waiting forever, and it's annoying to see these couples in the "waiting" phase for a couple of months.

    I heard an overly perky woman say once, "I don't know why everyone complains about waiting. The time just flew by!" She had been chosen after two months of her profile being up. I thought of the adoptive mom I know who waited 13 years for her babies, and I wanted to punch Perky Lady in the mouth.

    I'm sorry this sucks for you. Thanks for being so honest about this kind of thing. I have learned so much from you! I hope you know what an amazing woman you are.

  3. Right there with you on all of it.. Here I sit facing yet another delay in being able to even get our paperwork in and submitted for consideration to start home studies and I had 2 pregnancy announcements last week. One from my husband's unmarried niece, and the other from a cousin who got herself knocked up with her first at 17 to prove she was a "grown up" did marry the guy, they have 3 kids, struggling to pay the bills, fighting all the time, she still thinks she should be able to have slumber parties with her friends (she's like 22 or 23 now, 3 kids + one on the way..) always complaining about how lazy her husband is and how they have to get rid of their dogs cuz they can't afford to feed them, and she gets to have the baby... she made her announcement by whining about the "news she got and how she hopes she'll make the right choice." I came *this* close to just telling her to give it to me.. there are times I am very happy I live in Alaska and am 3000 or more miles away from most of my family...

  4. Savannah-You are so in sync with how I'm feeling when you write your posts it scares me. A couple we went to adoption classes with are getting their profile up for the third time. It just boggles my mind. I kept thinking, am I not pretty enough, do we look too poor, do I need to put a bumpit on my head? What is up with people getting chosen so fast? I hate it. You have every right to vent and complain as much as you want. We are right here with you.

  5. Savannah - today is my cry day too. Even after 2 placements, the pain of the unfairness of it all...just never really goes away. I think I know who you are talking about...and it does seem horribly unfair. I just found out today about their placement. We waited 2 years for our 1st match and over a year or our second. I do not follow that blog, or the updates for that family very often anymore because the optimism grated on my nerves... and honestly, I was expecting a VERY short wait for them.

    They are trendy. Modern. Gorgeous. And famous in adoption circles. They have all the right clothes. The pics they show of their house are perfect. Come on, they hire a professional photographer for EVERYTHING. It is no surprise that they got picked fast. Still annoying, still hurtful...and (insert curses here)...still just unfair.

  6. Our first adoption profile was up for two years with no contacts at all. Confused we went somewhere else and found success quickly. I don't understand why some find matches quickly thru the church and others don't. But it doesn't mean God loves us less. He still loves you - broken hearted or not. He loves you just as much!