Recently, I had my feelings hurt and I've really struggled with it since. A few people have told me, I need to approach the other party and let them know. And I have, several times... in my head.
Me: I need to tell you that when you left me out of your shopping trip for baby blanket material, it really hurt my feelings. I spent all week planning on going. I put makeup on before my hair appointment (which I never do) and rushed thru that appointment and finished about 45 minutes early. Only to call and find out you had already left.
Them: Well, we invited you to lunch.
Me: I was an hour away! And the invite felt like a "crap, we forgot her, let's do lunch" invite. I was excited to go spend the day with you, but after being left behind, I wasn't willing to drive that hour "just to do lunch."
Them: Well, you are always so mean when there is a pregnancy.
Me: No, I was mean during the first one. It is you who has left me completely out of this one. I even had to learn it was a boy from an outside source. I know I was horrid thru the first one, but I feel like you haven't given me a chance since.
Them: Well, you never ask.
Me: I've never been pregnant before, I don't know what to ask. But you can at least tell me things like "It's a boy."
Me: Next time, just go on a day I'm working if I'm not really invited. Then it won't hurt so much. One of you made me think I would be included because it was my day off. (Thanks for thinking of me that person!) That is why I planned on going. I will admit, I struggled with it all week. It can be awkward to be the odd man out (aka, the only non-mom in a group). But as I put my makeup that morning, I realized, I was truly excited to go. So it really hurt my feelings to get left behind. Just because we can't have children doesn't mean we don't have feelings. Its been a long time since I was excited for something and I was really excited for that day.
Them: (Now in tears) Well, we just never know with you.
And because the tears have started, the conversation (in my head) always ends there and never comes to life.
I need to quit dwelling on this. Maybe I'm a coward and don't want to broach the issue. But I tell myself, I just don't want to hurt any feelings, so I keep it to myself. But it is eating me up inside. So maybe if I at least get it out on paper, it will help me move on and forget about it.
The conversation in your head is something I have often done myself. And you know, in reality the conversation is never as bad as I imagine it.
ReplyDeleteI find I always scare myself with worst case scenarios. Maybe the conversation will go differently?
You: "I know I struggled with your first pregnancy, but I'm in a better place now and excited about this one. I probably haven't told you that, so I understand that maybe you didn't invite me on your shopping trip the other day in order to protect my feelings. But I would have loved to have come, and felt a little left out, so next time, let me know!"
Friend: "Oh, I'm so sorry. The last thing we wanted was for you to feel left out. We know it's hard for you, and I'm so happy to find that you're coping better this time round."
Or maybe the conversation will fall somewhere in between your worst case scenario and my best case.