Saturday, June 19, 2010

If they only knew

So hard for so many reasons. It just seems to surround me from every direction. I'm sure right now I must act like the most uncaring person, but why can't they see my pain? Why do they ignore me when this is the most painful thing I have ever gone through? I fear I will suffocate from all of it and they won't even notice I'm gone. They ignore my pain and in my anger, I push away from their happiness. They don't want me. My unhappiness is a burden to them.

And yet a ray of love from an unexpected direction. Of all the people to take notice of me right now, she was the last person I expected. Which just further proves, she really is an amazing person. I can't believe that while her own heart is breaking, she would think of me.

At least I have my husband. My friend. My protector. My everything. Without him by my side, I would be totally lost. He is the reason I live each day the best I can, even when my best is so little.

I thought after it all happened, it would start to get better.


  1. Savannah, I hope you know how much you are loved. This is such a very difficult thing and sucks. Please know that I am still praying for you, pleading for peace and understanding to come your way. I just wish I could give you a great big hug right now. I wish I could make this pain stop for you...I really do. I love you girl. I know I don't always say the right things...but please know that I do care for you and I HATE to see you endure such pain.

  2. I think you are a magnificant person and I care about you a lot. I want you to know that all your blogging friends are rooting for you. Sometimes people don't want to say to much as to not upset you. Anything that is said probably won't help you at this time so it is hard to express how much I care and want to say without you saying I have heard all this before. I am sure you have heard that everthing happens for a reason and that everything will get better. These are things I truly want to say to you but I know when I was waiting all that didn't mean much to me as I have heard it over and over again. I want to be right there for you but I can tell your hurting and not always feeling comfortable talking about it. I want you to know I am always here and I always read your blog even if I don't make a comment. When I found out that you were choosen I was so happy and excited I couldnt wait to share it on my blog because I thought it was so great. I just can't wait till that happiness comes into your life again and brightens up your life. I think you and Josh are going to be excellant parents and I can't wait for the day of celebration.

  3. You are a really wonderful person and I love that you share how we all feel going through failed placements. I love you a lot and know exactly what this pain feels like. You are not alone and so many people read your blogs for inspiration even through the hard times. I will continually pray for you and Josh.

  4. You are loved and thought of often.

  5. I don't know why some have to wait forever and some don't. Some never go thru failed placements and some do. Some have to fight to keep their babies and some don't. But I do know that everything we went thru in OUR journey was worth it to get to our son. Hoping you get there soon, too.