A few months ago my prayers changed. I still kept my plea, "please let a birth mom choose us, and please let it be soon". But I could feel my self sinking and I needed something to change, to keep me from dropping down into despair. So in addition to my pleas for a child I also added, "please just let us know that we are at least being looked at."
After a few months, it felt like a repetition to my prayers, but I needed something to restore my confidence, something to let us know we were making an appearance in the adoption world.
Of course, with all prayers, the Lord knew when I would really need this prayer answered. Only He would know that I was strong enough to struggle on further. Only He could really see when I would need that answer.
Saturday night was just another normal night for us. Josh was grilling dinner outside and I was blogging online when the phone rang. A young woman was looking at Parent Profiles; she was looking at OUR profile. I was so nervous and found it hard to talk so I asked her to first tell us about her. What a delightful person who has been placed in such a tough place. She loves her little girl and wants to give her the world. She liked us because we looked so happy. I had a nice time visiting with her, and the excitement I felt was amazing. Could this be our little girl?
By the next morning we knew that this was not our little girl. It was heartbreaking. We knew that morning we needed to tell this brave young woman to keep looking for a family and yet it took us hours to finally write the email and then even a few more hours to send it. It's so hard to say no.
It was another learning experience for us. We still aren't sure when we will finally get to adopt, but we know that this wasn't our time. Josh said it perfectly when he reminded me we are looking for our child and if this girl isn't ours than we would be taking someone else's baby and that wouldn't be fair.
I never could have had the strength to say no if I wasn't so sure of the comfort and peace I knew my Heavenly Father would give me. I knew that when we said no, I would not be alone. I knew He would be right there to carry until I find the strength to move on.
I also remembered those prayers I have been sending heavenward for so long now. I thought I needed that answer months ago and even weeks ago. But this last week has been so trying. This past week was one of the times where for a brief moment I said, "I can't do it. I'm ready to give up." I don't have those extreme moments often, but when I do, my Savior is there to give me a push and a reminder that I can do this. I'm so grateful He waited until now to answer my prayers.
After a few months, it felt like a repetition to my prayers, but I needed something to restore my confidence, something to let us know we were making an appearance in the adoption world.
Of course, with all prayers, the Lord knew when I would really need this prayer answered. Only He would know that I was strong enough to struggle on further. Only He could really see when I would need that answer.
Saturday night was just another normal night for us. Josh was grilling dinner outside and I was blogging online when the phone rang. A young woman was looking at Parent Profiles; she was looking at OUR profile. I was so nervous and found it hard to talk so I asked her to first tell us about her. What a delightful person who has been placed in such a tough place. She loves her little girl and wants to give her the world. She liked us because we looked so happy. I had a nice time visiting with her, and the excitement I felt was amazing. Could this be our little girl?
By the next morning we knew that this was not our little girl. It was heartbreaking. We knew that morning we needed to tell this brave young woman to keep looking for a family and yet it took us hours to finally write the email and then even a few more hours to send it. It's so hard to say no.
It was another learning experience for us. We still aren't sure when we will finally get to adopt, but we know that this wasn't our time. Josh said it perfectly when he reminded me we are looking for our child and if this girl isn't ours than we would be taking someone else's baby and that wouldn't be fair.
I never could have had the strength to say no if I wasn't so sure of the comfort and peace I knew my Heavenly Father would give me. I knew that when we said no, I would not be alone. I knew He would be right there to carry until I find the strength to move on.
I also remembered those prayers I have been sending heavenward for so long now. I thought I needed that answer months ago and even weeks ago. But this last week has been so trying. This past week was one of the times where for a brief moment I said, "I can't do it. I'm ready to give up." I don't have those extreme moments often, but when I do, my Savior is there to give me a push and a reminder that I can do this. I'm so grateful He waited until now to answer my prayers.
Savannah- I am just bawling right now. Your last three posts have helped me so much and have reminded me of what I need to be doing. Thank You for being my "angler". I know I say this all of the time but I just admire your faith and strength. I don't know if I could have had that much will power to say no. I am sure that Heavenly Father is so pleased with how much you are growing and putting your faith in Him. I just admire you in so many ways and I am grateful that I know such a wonderful daughter of our Heavenly Father. Thank You for teaching me so much....thank you for being you!
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