Thursday, February 26, 2009

Roller Coaster Ride

It has been a roller coaster ride for me lately. Up and down, back and forth. My head is spinning.

For starters, it had been 2 weeks since we heard from Dallon (he is serving an LDS Mission in South Africa). I was trying not to panic, but we miss him so much and we look forward to his emails every Monday. After we didn't get an email this week his mom emailed the mission president just to check up on him and see if maybe he had been transferred to a place with no email. The mission president wrote a beautiful letter back saying that Dallon was fine and that the Internet cafe had been having problems. Then a little later we finally received an email from Dallon. It was just nice to hear that he is still doing well. He comes home in like 8 months and I am so excited to see him again. I hope by then we will have a baby...

I have been emotional wreck the past week while a friend waited for the placement of their baby. My faith in mankind was down and I was having a hard time holding on to hope for her, but I have been reminded that there is power in prayer because on Tuesday they signed all the paperwork and soon as they get the clearance to travel back to the state they live in they get to take her home.

I had another friend in my support group who had an adoption placement even before they were completely approved. They were just waiting on their FBI background check (it's government so that's any one's guess!). It's kind of funny, because each time someone is this group gets a baby (whether through pregnancy or adoption) when they make the announcement they are so apologetic about it. I want to tell them it is a time to celebrate, don't down play it. But now I am starting to understand. It was easy to get excited for the first few, but each time some else gets a baby and we don't, it gets a little harder to handle. I am so happy for this person, but it's just hard to believe that it can happen for others so fast while we continue to wait.

This week, I went to a baby shower. I have a hard time going to those. They have a pool going where you could guess when the baby will be born and guess the weight, length, but I couldn't bring myself to fill the card out. What do I know about that kind of thing? I felt like Prissy in the Movie Gone With the Wind, "Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no' babies." Yes, I realize I could have wrote down something like my own info. from when I was born, but my heart just wasn't into it.

We set up an email just for birth mothers to contact us on. At one point I was checking it EVERY HOUR hoping to see something. The dozen emails we have gotten there have all been scams. I can't believe that the only people looking at our profiles are con artists. I have really tried to refrain from checking this email and now only check it two or three times a day.

This morning as I was driving to work Martina McBride's new song Ride came on the radio. It just may have to be my new theme song!

You wake up from your dream and you don't want to face the day
And you can't find a reason to think your world will ever change
You can hide beneath the covers
Or you can run outside head up high and carry on

Life is a roller coaster ride

Time turns the wheel and love collides
Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky
So shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride...

It brings you up slowly then shoots you like a rocket towards the ground

It twists you and it shakes you before it turns you upside down
You can't see what's around the corner
And you can't look back, so just live it up and feel the rush

Life is a roller coaster ride
Time turns the wheel and love collides
Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky
So shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride...
*I can't find this song yet to put in on my play list , the CD doesn't come out until next month. If you want to hear the song go to

I am going to try to laugh next time I want to cry. We'll see how that goes. Right now all I seem to want to do is cry...



Malone and Brittany said...

I feel your pain. I'm so happy for our friends, but it just makes me wonder, "when is it going to be our turn?" I'm sure after things work out I'll be able to look back and see the perfection in God's plan for me. But until then, it's hard. Sometimes I just wonder what's so wrong with my plan? I think it's pretty good! :)

Teah said...

Savannah, Thank you for that song. I really needed it today. It was one of those days when I wanted to cry too.

Meka said...

I am so sorry I made you feel that way. I remember the way I felt when my friends (who I had been married much longer then) started having kids. It hurt so much, I didn't want to make anyone feel that way. When couples adopt I think the adversary stays on them, he does not want children going into good loving homes. Don't let him tell you that this wont work, if you feel you are suppose to adopt then it will happen for you. Like I wrote before, everything will be worth it when you meet your baby. I know it sucks having to wait and just not knowing what will happen, how it will happen and WHEN! I will keep praying for you guys, you deserve this so much!

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