Saturday, September 27, 2008

Infertility, you suck!

Some times life SUCKS! Normally I do really well with our infertility, but every now and then it sneaks up on me. Trying to get people to understand is the hardest part. They just have no clue. Yes we've been married 7 3/4 years.
No, we don't have children.
Yes, we want children.
No, we can't have any on our own.
I know these people are well meaning, but when I'm having a hard time I take it as being rude and insensitive. No offense to all of those you have been WEMBI (Well Meaning But Ignorant), but that is just the fact of it. We can't have children. Don't try to ignore the fact, or skirt around the issue because that is what it is.
I don't know which makes me more upset. Well okay there is a whole list of things:
"Keep trying. Your time will come." - Oh ya, what about the trying we've been doing for years now!
I really hate the people who try to hide their pregnancies from me. That may be the most hurtful thing. I don't understand their reasoning, but I'm sure it's something like "Don't tell Savannah, she'll get mad." No, I don't get mad. I get jealous and sad. And then hurt that people are trying to keep things from me.
I finally had a friend tell me about her pregnancy. After having several friends and relatives be pregnant, I finally had one treat it like it wasn't taboo around me. I had such a great time visiting with her about her pregnancy. Don't ask me for pregnancy advice - I've never been pregnant. But don't treat me like I don't exist when someone around me is pregnant. It hurts to be ignored.
And the biggest thing is that people don't understand that we are literally grieving the death of our children. Think about it. We had dreams of having our children and now those dream are dead and therefore we are mourning their deaths. And its a tough grieving process to go through. We don't actually have anything tangible to direct our grief towards. But is very real and very painful.
And sometimes I feel like people are completely trying ignore the fact that we are adopting. I'm not sure why they do that, but it bugs me to no end. Adoption is a beautiful thing; not a "Plan B." If people would take the time to learn more about it, they would see what a wonderful thing it is!
We've learned a lot through our adoption support group, LDSFS. During one of our classes we heard from a lady who really put it perfectly. I will always grieve over my infertility, but I can deal with it and manage it. I have it tucked it away in my heart. Then every once in awhile something will happen to trigger it and I will have to say "Hello my old infertility friend; it's been a while since I heard from you."
I know I'm coming off as angry, and I don't get that way often. I am actually excited to adopt. I think there is nothing more spiritual that we can go through as a family. I know that we were preordained to come to earth and have our family through adoption. I believe that my Father in Heaven told us that some children would be born into unfavorable circumstances and I wanted to help. I believe He told me that the only way for me to help would be to have my family through adoption and I know I was excited at the prospect of adopting.
I've had to tell people to not pray about us getting pregnant. Pray for our Birth mother. She is the one that needs the prayers. Pray that our family will come together someday.

1 comment:

  1. I've started at the beginning. It may take a while but I will read them all.