Tuesday, May 29, 2012

When there are no words...

My very dear friend lost her foster baby today. After raising him and loving him for five months, he is gone. This post is not about what may or may not be best for the baby. This is about how life sucks for her. I keep trying to think of the perfect words to take her pain away. But I know they don't exist.

I think her pain is worse then ours when were unchosen, because she got to hold this baby. Feed him. Rock him to sleep. He was her life for the last 5 months and now she has to go back to being, well, not the mommy. And that sucks. I keep thinking back to my pain thinking, "What took it away from us? What made it better?'

The problem is that there are no words to describe her pain and her loss. Therefore, there are no words of comfort I can magically say to make it all better.

Don't look for the time when it gets better cause you can't see that from here. I think the thing I hated most was the sun coming up the next morning. I thought the world should stop for my pain, but it didn't. Do what you can to survive and let healing come at the pace you let it. When others ignore your pain, try to not take is personally; sometimes they don't know what to say so instead they say nothing at all.

I love you B & K and I am so sorry you are going through this. Feel your grief as it comes and hold tight to each other.


  1. We thought at little bit about foster care, but that little bit about the goal being the child goes back to their first family seems a little too difficult. :(

  2. Oh my, words can't express how heartbreaking this situation is. My heart goes out to your friends.

  3. We know a couple in Maine that foster parented a newborn and a 2 year old for THREE YEARS and the bio parents got the kids AFTER THREE YEARS! Those kids were terrified to death. It was heart wrenching.

    Also, the judge that finalized Elora's adoption, used to be very pro bio parents. The state recommended the parental rights be terminated but the judge gave the kids back to the the bio parents. I KID YOU NOT, THAT SAME WEEKEND THE BIO DAD BEAT THE TWO KIDS SO BADLY THE BABY DIED and the other one is disabled.