I'm able to enjoy being around family again. It may sound harsh, but for a while, I didn't like to be around them. I didn't like seeing others happy when I was so miserable. But I've been able to find ways to share their happiness. I wasn't able to make it to all of Preston's t-ball games, but I made it to one and I'm going to his last one tonight. For a minute, it sounded like the game would be cancelled and I was heartbroken.
Josh's brother is dating someone pretty seriously. We all love her and hope he'll make her a permanent part of the family. In my depression days, that would've just upset me because another marriage means more babies. But now it means, more nieces or nephews.
I can't believe how much I love my nephews. When the pregnancy of the 4th one was announced, I told myself it was time to scale back on the gifts. Between me and Josh we have 5 siblings. Only 2 of them have started having kids so far and we're already up to 4 nephews. Even if each only has 2 kids, that is still 10 nieces and nephews. I go to buy a shirt, and 10 shirts later I'm forcing myself to check out. How will I manage as their families keep growing? I enjoy buying the gifts too much to stop myself. It brings me joy to give them something.
Earlier this year, I told myself I would just spend a set amount on each nephew for their birthday. And I was trying to set a limit for Christmas, but I don't want to. So I've decided, I don't need to. That's the great thing about being an aunt, I can spoil them however I want. And the added bonus of not being a parent means I have that much more to spend. I'm sure if we had children I would have to spend less on the nephews. I'd probably have to stick with just a small gift for birthday's and Christmas. But I don't have kids of my own, so I can spend my money elsewhere. I can buy them shirts for Easter and Halloween and just because.
We've always had the freedom of being just the two of us, but we didn't start to really use it until this last year. One day josh came home from work and suggested we go to Lagoon the next day. We didn't have to worry about kids and schedules, we could just go. On the way home that night, we got stuck in traffic behind an accident. We ended up having to get a hotel. At least we didn't have to worry about the kids staying at a sitters that night. Or trying to entertain them in a small hotel room.
This last Sunday we decided to get up at 4 am and go fishing. We stayed until we were tired and ready to go home. This weekend we are going to a Wii party. Those usually last until 1 am (or later). I love that we can all stay as late as we want because none of us have to rush home to the kids.
I've been scrapbooking a lot lately. I love that I can do that or any other craft whenever I want. You hear of people who have 3 kids, and just barely scrapbooked the birth of the oldest kid. I would've loved to have been able to scrapbook my own kids, but I do like that I will never fall that far behind. Well, ok, I am a little behind, but I'm almost caught up. I look at those pictures of family and nephews and it just warms my heart all over. I'm so glad I can have those memories preserved in pages forever.
I usually clean my house real good on Fridays. Then the rest of the week I slack. Its not a huge deal, because its just me and the hubs to get it dirty. But this week, I decided to try to clean a little each night. Here it is, only Wednesday, and already my house is clean. I can relax (and craft) on Friday! Laundry, I can do it in half a day. A full day when I wash bedding. Not many other people can say that.
I can sleep in late on days I don't have to work. I can stay up as late as I want. I can have cereal for dinner if I want. I can watch what I want to on the TV. I can exercise whenever I want. I can take long soaks in the bath on a daily basis. I'm starting to see all the finer points of living as a family of two and I'm really enjoying them.
I TOTALLY agree with you. 100%.
ReplyDeleteThanks for blogging, I enjoy your posts.
heheh...cereal for dinner :)
ReplyDeleteI can only empathize with some of what you're going through. I had a few years of infertility, but everyone's experiences are different and each is raw. I am currently writing a novel--LDS women's fiction--about four characters going through different trials having to do with fertility issues. I hope all who read it will know how important and valued we each are in Christ's kingdom. I am glad you are finding joy in your life. Thanks for letting me poke around your thoughts. It helps me remember important lessons I learned the hard way in my life as well.
ReplyDeleteOur family has suffered infertility. We were able to have two kids eventually and I have hopes for a third. I just wanted to tell you how much your blog inspires me. I read it all the time. Your finding joy in your trials and I can learn so much from you. We have been putting off trying for a 3rd cause I feel SO blessed to have two and what if it doesn't work the 3rd time. I am going to remember your blog when I go to finally try. If it doesn't work I need to find joy in my trials as well. I also read the above post about how people say why don't you just adopt. People who have never tried or looked into it don't know how hard it is. It isn't easy and there really aren't a lot of babies up there for adoption. I get what you are saying. It is sad that we even have to explain ourselves. Hang in there you are awesome!
ReplyDelete