Wednesday, April 27, 2011

National Infertlity Awareness Week - Bust a myth

It is National Infertility Week and RESOLVE has challenged bloggers to blog about an infertility myth. The goal behind this challenge is to help bring infertility bloggers together and to also help others learn about infertility.

I have faced many of those myths head on over the years.

"Just relax."
"You're still young."
"Just adopt."
"Just try again."

Each of those statements (along with countless others) don't actually help someone with infertility. You can't just relax and suddenly your pregnant. You can't just adopt, its not like going to the store.

But right now the myth I struggle with the most is when people imply that we are not a family if we don't have kids.

Ten years ago, on February 9, 2001, my husband and I were married for time & eternity in the Jordan River Temple. When we went there that morning, we were just two people with no lasting connection. But after that, we were husband and wife. We were officially a family. A family starts the second you are declared man and wife. It doesn't wait to start until you are pregnant. It doesn't wait and start when you hear the first heartbeat. It doesn't wait and start when your first child is born. Josh and I have been a family for 10 years. Not having children doesn't make us less of a family. We are just as much a family as anyone else, whether they have one child or twelve.

Which leads to another myth, our lives aren't complete and happy, unless we become parents.

We've always been happy, even during our struggles. But this last year has been one of the best years of our marriage. Our lives are complete. Our lives do have meaning. We aren't empty shells because we don't have children. We still enjoy things. We still have a life.

My new favorite scripture is 2 Nephi 2:25. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

It doesn't say, men have children so they can have joy. Just simply, "men are they they might have joy."

Its okay if we choose to be happy while living a childfree life. That doesn't make us selfish. We are not forced to sit home in tears that we aren't parents. We are allowed to find new meaning in life. To experience other things.

I don't like it when people imply I have "yet" to start my family. Josh is my family. I also don't appreciate when people act like we are missing out on the world. We have a very rich and full life. I have nothing to complain about. Josh makes me happy. He completes me. If he is the only member of my family, that is okay. I find joy in that.

To learn more about RESOLVE visit HERE. To learn more about National Inferility Awareness Week visit HERE.


  1. This is a GREAT post. True, true, true.

  2. Beautiful! I always hated when people asked us "when are you going to start a family?"

  3. I absolutely agree with this. Before we were able to adopt, even I sometimes fell into the trap of thinking we weren't a family yet. My wonderful husband would always remind me that we were a family, just a small one :) Thank you for posting this. You hit the nail right on the head.

  4. I'm so glad you wrote about this. I've often had people ask me to do this or that "because I don't have a family to take up all of my time." It is frustrating to me that they don't consider that I DO have a family, and spending time with my husband is just as important as spending time with my kids would be! I really do admire you so much. You have a beautiful way with words.

  5. Great post! I got here from the r house. My friend started a website to be a support to childless Mormons, it's Check it out!

  6. Michelle, I love that website and belong to the email support group. I should have mentioned it in my post.