Monday, July 27, 2009

Let's discuss infertility

I have a friend who is currently struggling with infertility. I've been there, it's not fun. She has asked for people to comment and explain how they deal with their infertility. I thought it was a great idea so I want to do it here too. Please leave a comment about how infertility has affected your life and what you did to overcome the overwhelming sadness of it.

I think my blog is set up to accept anonymous comments so feel free to do so if you don't want to identify yourself.

Infertility is something that will never go away, but hopefully it is something we can all learn to live with.


  1. i've done things i never thought i would do. i decided to get in better shape. since my body isnt made to conceive, i figured it may as well look as good as i want it to! sort of a way of taking out my anger and frustration on myself, but in non-destructive way.
    i ran a half marathon last fall because of my infertility. currently im pushing myself harder than ever doing different strength training programs.
    infertility has affected EVERY part of my life. i constantly think about it. i will or wont do things because of it. it has just become part of who i am.
    im trying to prepare for when i do have children, through adoption or ivf. i buy baby things if i happen to see something gender neutral on sale and i try to make baby things in my spare time.
    i like to pretend i am a mother and look back and think about the things im going to wish i would have done and i try my best to do those things now while i have the time.
    all of these things help keep my mind a little occupied but there are days where i just want to give up and spend the rest of my life doing nothing. luckily that phase doesnt stick around too long.
    i hope this helps. i'll be checking back for others' comments to this....i need more ideas! :)

  2. Like mrs. infertility it has effected EVERY aspect of my life. Not a day goes by were it isn't something I think about. I wake up to no sweet sounds of a child. I come home from work with nothing to welcome me except my animals. When I welcome my husband home it's just me. No running children to greet him. When I make dinner it is just for two. We are not interrupted by anyone. We go to bed knowing that we won't have to wake up to crying or nightmares. It is so lonely.

    To stay sane I try to read adoption books and uplifting material. I pray all the time. I never prayed more than I do now. I also try to have a full schedule. Make goals like cleaning house, running, working out, learning new things, or reading so many books. Serve others and pray that you have the opportunity to help throughout the day. Be open to people helping you and share your story. It is hard to open up but the more you let people in the better you feel.

    Remember there are lots of phases to infertility and it never fully goes away. Know that your days will vary and sometimes you will be happy with your life and sometimes not. I try to always remember the Lord in my life and the ability I have to overcome obstacles. Sometimes it's not easy. I hate hearing about pregnancy still and when my period starts it is a silent slap in the face. Even though I know I have 0% chance. Have hope in the future. Know that even if you adopt, IVF, or live childless it will be OK. Everyone has a different journey. I still don't know where mine might lead but I have hope.

  3. Sorry this is so late but I didn't read everyone's blog since I left for vacation so today is the first day I am catching up on what I have missed. I totaly agree with you. It is almost like a death in the family. And maybe that is because I was going through the death of my father and the infertility mixed with that and those emotions but like death you never get over it you just learn to deal with it. Everyone deals with infertility different. Some people might never recover from it. I think people who adopt may recover from it because you get your end goal. You get to be a mother. The only thing that may still linger and I don't know yet until I become a mother. But for those who do not choose adoption after infertility I don't have any idea of how you would recover. If you always dreamed of being a parent and then it never happens I don't know how you heal. It is a hard thing to go through and no body knows how you feel about it until they themselves go through it. Everyone tells you rediculous stuff like you will become pregnant and just relax and all that stuff. I would tell your friend to blog like we do. It helps to know you are not alone and that there are others that are going through the same thing. Tell her some days are bad as you know and some days your good. I hope the thoughts help your friend to not feel alone.

  4. I feel like my heart is bleeding..
    Sometimes I feel no one, not even God cares.
    I feel like I'm a handicapp.
    I feel, what's the use of living when my dream is dead.
    I feel so alone.
    I feel like I'm the only person out there who can't have kids, and no one understands.